either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
