So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
