I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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