highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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