Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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