The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
