I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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