glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
