you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
