He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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