i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
