your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
