dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
