I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize