I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
