Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
