Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
