Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
