when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
