So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
