Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
