Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
