idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
