The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
