it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
