in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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