I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
