i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
