So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
