like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
