everyone is single if you try hard enough
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
