Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
