So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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