In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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