On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
