I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I touched a dick in church today
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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