I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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