Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
