so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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