I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
