how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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