I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
