the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
