WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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