dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
