nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We left the knife in your bed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
