he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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