Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
