she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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