There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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