K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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