I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
