so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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