all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
