if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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