i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
