I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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