I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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