i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
