i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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