He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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