so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
