She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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