I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
