I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
