I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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