Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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