I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
