It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
