shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
