Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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